I applied some light makeup today before I walked out the door at 7am this morning. Sounds pretty normal for a girl who’s worked in corporate, especially for someone like me who loves her makeup.
I grew up experimenting with the various styles falling in love with the WOG. When we first met, I had worn a tonne of makeup and this not changed. If anything, I would wear contacts as well.
It was only after we had gotten married and returned from our honeymoon; that week I had spent with him at home he straight out told me he hated the makeup. He didn’t want me to dress up even when home. I starting changing it to very light makeup if one can call BB cream makeup. He’d come home post work and question me about what had changed from when I woke up to lunch or dinner time. To which I’d say not much and he’d be like err makeup. I’d say it was very light which it was.
It had gotten to a point where I’d wake up from bed and not wear an ounce of makeup not even tinted moisturiser which he started appreciating. I also addressed his other concerns that I looked dressed up having done my hair so I started just tie it up in a messy bun which won me less critique.
When my folks came to visit the first they asked was why I dressed like a cleaner stepping out of the house so messy. Mum asked me to fix my hair even if nothing.
Every time I went up to visit him, I would try to minimise the makeup I wore to work that morning.. only to be critiqued again at the airport.
I still remember he would push my glasses up my nose to tell me where the glasses should sit on my face. Initially, I’d told him not to do that because my eyelashes were too long so it hurts to have the glasses so high up on my nose. He kept doing it until I clearly said many months later if he was that uncomfortable with my face he can help me pick out new glasses especially since he claims to have to look at my face but right now, I cannot purchase new glasses. With that, I resorted to wearing contacts as much as I could.
Today, for the first time in a number of months I applied some light makeup and felt alive. I was able to smile and even waltz into work and have some bullshit conversations with the team. I felt 1% alive compared to the previous times when I internally stressed he was going to say something because I applied BB cream or a little blush to cover the tiredness from working long hours and then going to see him. Then I stressed about what other comments were to follow especially re work since we most definitely could not survive on his salary when I was paying for most thing or have paid for most things.
Little bit of makeup today made everything so much better .. perhaps it wasn’t even the makeup for an ounce of my confidence returning that I can survive going to work today.