If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve blocked and deleted him from my life post the first conversation. Everytime an option was put forward I would have to justify why I didn’t want to explore marriage with a person. Luckily at times the other person wouldn’t bother contacting me or it would be clear the guy wasn’t interested. In this instance however, the first time I spoke with him was on the phone were he spent majority of the time talking about his journey in life and accomplishments etc.
In that moment I felt as it he was quite involved inhimself which was fine but not to the point where he was a narcisstic human being.
I did tell my folks after the initial conversation there are communication issues – I feel this man does not know how to speak in english. To make such a statement seemed ludicrous since he’d been the country for a few years atleast and works in the community where has has to communicate in english.
What I couldn’t explain to them then was a person can communciate very little but effective communication (language skills) are essential to be able to express what you feel and hink in a relationship. Recently he has instructed me re to take a moment and think of the time pre-marriage.
To provide some context it was a situation where he had called me telling me he needed to discuss a time sensitive subject. In this conversation he felt that before he could go into the time sensitive issues; we must first talk about the issues at hand. Okay so I listened to what he had to say and then states: I want you to think of the time pre marriage when the issues weren’t there. I know it will take a few minutes for you to think. Its ok you can take sometime and think about it now.
We have had some heated conversations, you had said ludicrous things; the last conversation ending on a note where you yelled into the phone I am sick and tired of this (I was responding to your message and I am now at the receiving end of your lovely statements – definitely used to this by now).
To which I simply said I wasn’t interested in follwing instructions and he should talk about the issue at hand. He paused and said, we are having a conversation it is not an instruction. Told him it was clearly an instruction what he had said and at best if I was wrong then it may be read as a request. He goes, no it is a conversation with input from both sides. To which I said yes a conversation can comprise of a request, statement and an instruction too.
He was clearly unhappy with the above and I just thougt gosh if only I was able to explain how he couldn’t speak english – let alone the other red flags of abuse; I would be in a different place right now.
I could’ve avoided everything and especially the frequest doubtig of my own sanity and the extensive efforts to satisfy your thoughts and demands and fix the situation because everything was always my fault.