A few crumbs from my recent memories..
He screamed “shutup” twice down the phone.
Told me said he won’t ever talk to me, never wants to see me again, would spend his birthday happily with his friends and hung up on me.
⁃ When I called him back a few hours later (lest I have to apologise for not bothering to make amends inspite of his behaviour), he clarified that he was never going to talk to me.
⁃ Mind you two hours of hearing his banter of how horrible I am, his anger had evaporated and he returned to being a human being again.
⁃ The following day when he apologised for his behaviour quite casually, I said its ok we are both learning to which he responded with a sadistic laugh.
⁃ Definitely wasn’t sincere.
The day he asked me to get out,his parents called, alarmed that he’s kicking me out of the house.
⁃ He speaks to them in his own language and says to me .. my parents think I have grabbed you by your neck and physically dragged you out of the house.
⁃ That is what it means to say get out. Have I done that with you?
⁃ I simply threw your clothes on the floor and asked you to get out of the house.
– You have no right to stay here because the lease is not on your name.
Eatlier that day, he rambled on about how he doesn’t want to be with me.
⁃ He specifically said, he didn’t mean the apology the other day.
⁃ He meant every word that he never wants to talk to me or see me again.
⁃ On the day he said get out, he said he didn’t mean the apology and he would do it again (that is yell at me, tell me to shut up and hang up the phone).
⁃ He said he wouldn’t change, doesn’t see the need to change.
⁃ He would do whatever he wanted but, I have to change and those are the terms.
⁃ He said he was getting older by the day so he didn’t want to waste anytime getting to know one another, let alone to see if it would work.
⁃ To spend another six months atleast was a far stretch. He said that spending another day would ruin his life because he needed to move on for he was ageing by the day.
A few months ago, he wanted to go on a holiday to India.
⁃ While discussing it, I did mention that I may or may not get leave.
⁃ He became angry at the fact that I am uncertain re leave since my client is a december year end (annual reporting deadlines).
⁃ The conversation then escalated to him tellin me I didn’t have the brain to negotiate my employment contract (never mind that reporting deadlines don’t change for anyone and are often part and parcel of the job).
⁃ He proceeded to tell me he would go on holiday without me.
⁃ I asked if we could be flexible with the dates perhaps .. no.
⁃ He said I wasn’t a good partner allowing him to go whereever he wanted to which I said: we’ve been married less than six months and don’t even live in the same house so I’m damned for wanting to spend our holidays together with you,
⁃ He just said I should be happy with whatever he does.
⁃ More importantly be grateful for the fact that he wasn’t like his mates. Apparently both wife and husband were on holidays and the husbands decided to go on a holiday to Thailand and told their wives they were not invited.
⁃I was gobsmacked.. had I known this pre-marriage I would’ve never married you.
⁃ Infact, I clarified with him: didn’t you say it was a boys trip whereby the ladies coudn’t go no leave and stuff. He says ah no, they could go but they weren’t allowed to.
⁃ This conversation escalated into him accusing me of not being happy for him. A good spouse would plan the holiday for him.
⁃ In the end I said he could go wherever he wanted and that too whenever he wanted.
⁃ I still maintain this stance now. I am not aware of anyone who spends their time away from their spouse on a holiday especially when they have been doing long distance (and they’ve been married < 1 year). Note here that his mates have been married a while and have kids.
He said that I hide things from him.
⁃ One instance is that I used butter. He asked if I used ghee in the cooking to which I replied no. He educated me that clarified butter is Ghee (mind you I am never going to forget this because he complained abiut this nonstop). To me ghee is what you get in the Indian store and bjtter is what you purchase at Coles or Woolies.
⁃ Turns out everyone knows the difference between the two items but for me (per him).
⁃ Apparently I didn’t tell him about dad giving money for his birthday. He spoke with dad in my presence (not on speaker).
⁃ I didn’t understand when Dad gave money and if he had, how did I forget something so important and if I hadn’t why hadn’t dad reminded me or something. My memory was blank.
⁃ He proceeded to ask why I was keeping dad’s money and not givin it to him?
⁃ I was like well if he gave the money, I don’t remember but I can go withdraw the cash from and ATM and give it to you right now.
⁃ He says well that’s the point, my wife is sitting here and my father in law is telling menhe gave me money and yet I have no knowledge.
⁃ I was upset so, I spoke with my folks about this. Mum clarified that Dad wanted to give money but he wasnt sure how my husband would react to such a gesture. So he asked if my husband if we could all go out next time my Husband was in town. Even so, Mum asked me to clarify this with dad.
⁃ I called dad immediately and placed him on speaker phone. Asked him upfront how much money he had given me to pass onto my husband.
⁃ Dad repeated what mum had said.
⁃ Immediately, my husband got up, went into the room and three my clothes from the wardrobe onto the floor.
⁃ He flat out said, you cannot stay here, there is a 9.30 pm flight from Canberra. If we leave now, we’ll make it, only a 2 hour drive.
This is when I started to panic internally .. I wasn’t keen on being in a car travelling through a large portion of the distance whereby there is minimal or no reception for hours to get to the airport. Even if he told me to get out of the car, I would have no means of getting to civilisation or contacting anyone… especially when he narrated the storyof a girl waiting for help midnight at a no reception stretch of the journey (when he picked me up from the airport earlier in the week).