I don’t want to compromise πŸ™…πŸ½β€β™‚οΈ

A marriage requires trust and mutual understanding. To achieve this whether you’ve known your partner for a day or two or years; will require some element of compromise.

The compromise might be with your dreams, ego, thoughts. Whatever the case may be. These days, there’s a marketing spin on everything but I’d like to call a spade a spade. There is nothing wrong with a compromise as long as both of you are crystal clear on it. The whole point of the institution of marriage is so both of you compromise to achieve mutual happiness or security.

This picture reminds me of how there would be no heating in your house and you refused to have any heating and I froze every single day. Even when we were in Switzerland and I requested an additional blanket because you refused to turn up the heating; you asked me not to trouble the hotel staff – even though it was a normal request and perfectly reasonable..

How this happens naturally varies from person to person; marriage to marriage.

In an arranged marriage there is a lot more compromise involved because this form of security requires both parties to be more understanding and tolerant of one another.

While I understand this has become a joke in our society today with the likes of shows such as Married at First Sight; many folks I know have successfully survived these from generations on.

I have not grown up in India; nor have I visited it more than twice in my life; nor are we a super conventional household; nor have too many Indian friends (can be counted with one hand). To marry someone who’s lived there for 27 years, has family there, whose parents have had an arranged marriage and sought one here in another country has suddenly realised within a week of getting married this is not what he wanted. He often screamed at me in person or over the phone –

I don’t want this. I cannot do this. I cannot compromise on anything and will never compromise doesn’t matter what the cost.

After a few too many times of bearing the brunt of these conversations (if you can call it that), I finally asked him why he got married.

I never thought I had to compromise on anything. Never thought marriage would be like this.

I was gobsmacked. We meet once in a while – long distance ti be perfectly honest, we don’t live together, we spent endless number of hours talking on the phone, met a few too many times, he asked my parents for my hand in marriage and wanted to get married in great haste (we struggled to meet the marriage date) and spent a bomb on the fucking wedding.

Now you’re telling me you’re unsure of wtf you’ve signed up for? You cannot stand spending a weekend with a person because you’ve spent too long living by yourself? Why have you not just backed off earlier on instead of ruining my life too? More importnatly what fucking planet did you live on thinking you’d never have to compromise?

I thought even if he doesn’t want to compromise that’s okay – I will. When he wanted something, I did it – it would be critisised for hours and hours; and then he’d admit oh yes that was a good option. No matter what I did, there was nil appreciation. At one point when I raised this he once said yes because you do not do a good enoughjob. Another time he said, ofcourse I appreciate what you’ve doen, that’s why I am still here but I should point out the things that are wrong so you can learn and improve.

Then he goes onto say, there are no actions from you – just words; you only say you do things but haven’.

Funny because I put ego aside brought out the inner patience, brushed off the ill behaviour, paid no heed to any ill words and reminded myself to be the way I was with you every moment of the marriage to remember why I walked down the aisle and who you were pre marriage.

I even offered to quit my job and move so we could live under the same roof. I think though this suggestion or offer has internally stressed you out because you know too well that you cannot feed another person and you don’t want to let go of the additional income your wife is earning..

Everyone on this planet and other planets compromise in one way or another. If someone says they don’t its because they’ve found another word to wrap this ugly word called compromise…

Please bear in mind the situation here is not requiring someone to compromise on their goals, financial situation, lifestyle changes or dignity or morals.

Planet via the Daily Post


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