I wish you had never taken an interest in me and I never in you.
- I try to think of moments when I was happy with you… now I realise that I smiled and laughed and was happy when you were happy.
- When you visited with your dog, I was happy when you were relaxed, gave your nod of approval, didn’t yell at me. I’m not sure that was happiness but definitely felt like a massive relief.
- When I came up to visit you, the first weekend was a huge relief when you also didn’t yell at me that is until Sunday night when we caught up with your friends…
- Since then, I smiled when you were happy or when I was being subservient in every respect and you were happy.
I know that happiness comes from within. What I am trying to understand is why when there are monents of hurt, anger, frustration and horrible moments; that these are only met with moments where I felt relieved.
- The first time the entire world didn’t revolve around you was on day 2 of the marriage. I had said that perhaps we should spend some time with your folks after all we’re off spending time with each other later on ..
- This led to a massive disagreement even though it was your parents I was offering to spend time with..? That evening as soon as I got into your car; you turned and blasted off a series of insults at me – there was little or no space between your screaming face and me in this car.
- I didn’t know how to react let alone what to think. We were after all boarding a plane in a few hours to go away and here you were accusing me of not caring about you or looking after you. Strange comming from the same person who often said I looked after everything of his..
Since then every argument was about how I didn’t care for him no matter what I had said or done – there was never a happy moment everything was based on how he felt.
- Even if I did nothing or made a mistake it may just be overlooked and I might get always with a few strong comments at my incompetence but it was solely based on how his day had been or if he had some happy thoughts..