- When I first started talking to you I felt like you were made for me. Slowly as I started to get to know you, the feeling had only strenghtened. 👰🏻
- When we first had that argument on our Honeymoon and you left the hotel room to clear your head, it was that moment that make me take a step back. I couldn’t understand that day how we could argue the way we did and even if we had argued, the fact that you wanted to take a break, see how things went and I was not to accompany you to your place (rural town) bothered me.
- I know we cleared this afterward because you decided internally you would give me a chance. The mere fact that you allowed me to be in your presence meant I could accompany you as your wife to you house.
- Over the months, you had mentioned that you didn’t feel close, felt like you didn’t want to be in this relationship, were frustrated and I literally begged you to give us time. You had also mentioned that I was inadequate to be your wife numerous times and I am trying incredibly hard to be what you want me to be in every respect. In doing so, I have forgotten who I am and/or what I can and cannot share. I don’t know when it was okay to ask if you could mention you were married to others – I am not sure about most but I most certainly didn’t appreciate being introduced as your friend when we were married.
- Yesterday when you mentioned there was no time nothing I had done showed any progress, that anything I even promised to do showed no hope made me feel gutted. I felt like I was trying so hard because I part of me strongly remembers how you were mean, how you didn’t want to see my face, or let alone spend anytime with me. Above all, a part of me knows you can walk out on me or just ask me to leave. That’s exactly what happened yesterday.
- My clothes were pulled out of the wardrobe chucked onto the floor and you asked me to leave and you’d drop me at canberra airport. I even agreed to that. Then you changed your mind, made it seem like evrything was ok infront of your parents. Asked me to lie to my parents.
Even after all of that, this morning you became a stranger again.
I am not sure what else I can do to assist. You asked me to forget this had ever happened. I am going to my parents home today and am going to forget and erase that memory. I have done this before especially the first time you said we you wanted to not be with me. To do it again should be easy – it’s not as much of a shock but it is different now too because I had begged you to reconsider.
The things I have done for this so called love still makes me feel no shame or regret but it still craves for us to be loving towards each other. When I tell myself everyday this is the man I have chosen to marry it gives me some strenght and reminds me of everything I love about you. However when I hear the indecision, the fact that you want to see a counsellor for it is a necessity anyway pre-divorce, these things shatter the minimum faith I have just managed to restore in us.
What’s worse is I am not sure I can ever get over the way you treat me in not looking at me when talking to me, ignoring me, critiquing everything I do and say and not even letting me say anything for that matter.
All I want for me right now is to able to rise over and above the current situation and the feelings I have.