It’s been a while since I’ve afforded my brain some time to do as it pleases. Naturally, it’s spent its time thinking about you and decided to Google you to see if there was anything out there – afterall we have only been separated a little while. It may take a little more time before I can scrub my heart to death in my attempts to eradicate any feelings for you. I stumbled across this
I remember you sharing this with me the day she came to interview you for their local news. I mean it is the middle of no where and they need to fill their pages with something. This however brought back a flood of memories – time I thought would be nice with you and the horrors that followed there after.
I spend time thinking about whether I am wrong whether I should just not feel anything just so I can completely transform into something with no feelings, thoughts or actions and become who you want me to be whatever that is depending entirely on how you feel in that moment or second.
Lest I succumb to the “feelings” I have for who you pretended to be, I need to remind myself that I have taken a stance and I will not go back to you.
Every day is a new journey and I don’t want to ruin what little progress I have made by returning or even attempt reconciliation because I know and God knows – the only way out then may just be suicide.