Every time I talk to normal people who plan things even if it’s a simple lunch or dinner for their spouse’s birthday; it makes me wonder what the fuck or who on earth I got married to. Let alone celebrate he would make zero effort no matter how many weeks had passed.
I still remember him saying hi you know we did celebrate your birthday cause we went to the Asian place.
It was somewhere you wanted to go because you missed that Asian food and you were super particular. Seriously so fucking messed up.
I also cannot cope with forms of emotional abuse being shown as okay or appropriate or “love”. So over that shit honestly!!
Going out and drinking a glass of wine, feeling tipsy or abusing the food intake was and is still a form of release. Unfortunately though, it’s effect of placating my feelings and emotions is slowly dying only to be replaced with real tears in my pillow every morning. Not a day goes by when I don’t cry my self to sleep or wake up in a pool of tears before I force myself out of bed to face the world.